Attention, single parents: You can gain some romance insights by watching what your teenagers do. Below, is what one mom learned from her son. I always thought that once my 16-year-old son Sam started dating, I would wow him with words of wisdom gleaned from my own experiences. After all, I had decades more relationship experience to draw from, especially since I’d divorced and jumped back into the dating pool. However, as the phone rang more for Sam than for me, I realized something: My son didn’t need my dating advice. Come to think of it, maybe I needed his. So, to make out what I could find out about dating from a special perspective, I observed (and yes, occasionally spied on) my son and his friends. And you know what? I got a lot of insight from scrutinizing these young Romeos. Here are the specifics. 

Love lesson #1: Do something fun on a date
The first thing I noticed is that Sam didn’t really go on “dates” in the classic sense — meaning, drinks and/or dinner during which you size each other up until the check arrives. His way of a date was just to go to the mall and hang out with a lady, wandering from store to store. Or, he and his girl would head as a group to go bowling. To me, none of this sounded very romantic. But after one principally dull feast date, I decided to give it a go. “How about we go bowling?” I suggested. He agreed… and suddenly we were having a blast. The reason, pure and simple, is that bowling — or miniature golf, laser tag, or the zoo or even just wandering around an electronics store checking out the wares — is fun. And while I’d forgotten this fact in my quest for the perfect romantic candlelit dinner, my son was right: Dating should be fun. 

Love lesson #2: Chuck your must-have checklist
When I first started dating after my divorce, I had (I kid you not) a three-and-a-half-page checklist of things my future mate had to be — between 5’8 and 6’1, an entrepreneur and a full head of hair. He loves his mother and is not too obsessed with sports, among many other criteria. Sam, however, has only two criteria: “She needs to be pretty and smart,” he told me. No wonder he was going on so many more dates! It’s not that he didn’t have standards; he just didn’t have so many as to rule out 99 percent of dating prospects before he’d gotten to know them. Besides, with the advent of online dating sites, information about a potential partner has become much easier to find out. But at the same time, do not forget about security and it’s better to read the well hello review or review of any other adult dating sites before using it. Over time, I’ve whittled down my date must-haves to seven or eight qualities, and as a result, I've come to realize that many of the “imperfect” men I once never would have considered were actually great catches. 

Love lesson #3: Face-to-face isn’t the only way to bond
Even when my son is kicking back at home, that doesn’t mean he isn’t working hard at wooing women. The bleep, bleep of his IM alert is constantly going off. At first, this seemed a little ridiculous — didn’t he want to save some sweet nothings to deliver to a girl in person? — but I started thinking maybe he was on to something. Instead of waiting for my next face-to-face meeting with a man, I began sending flirty email messages and IMs and received plenty of flattering missives in return. In doing so, I got to let a love interest know that just because he was out of sight didn’t mean he was out of mind, and that allowed us to bond much faster than we would if we stuck to our once-a-week rendezvous. 

Love lesson #4: Lighten up a little
Granted, my son is all of 16 years old, so he’s not raring for a commitment anytime soon. And while I’ve often assumed this has kept him from really getting to know a girl and developing deep feelings for her, I’ve come to realize that just the opposite is happening. Since he’s not sitting there obsessing about the future of his relationship, he gets to stay in the moment — flirting, horsing around, talking about anything and everything under the sun. He’s less guarded, too, able to genuinely express whether he likes a girl. This is a hard lesson for people my age to absorb. We’ve all gotten hurt, have our share of baggage and are often obsessed with “playing the game” just right in the hopes that it’ll lead to a serious relationship. However, the way to true love isn’t a chess match, and there’s no single “right move” to make. Sam knows that when the time is right, love will happen. It’s that easy. It may seem innocent and naive, but I think a little innocence and naiveté are great qualities to have at hand when you’re looking for love — even at my age. Especially at my age. 

Dating a Woman with A Little Kid

Simply follow these tips on how to have a great, grown-up relationship with a tot in your midst.

Your girlfriend’s ten-year-old son is probably a relatively self-sufficient little dude. He can put together his own snacks, he can stick in his own video, and he can pick up after himself. (Granted he won’t pick up after himself, but at least he has the ability to do so.) Your girlfriend’s ten-month-old son, on the other hand, is not the least bit self-sufficient. Can he nuke up a burrito? No. Can he throw an episode of Blue’s Clues into the DVD player? No. Can he put away that pile of stuffed animals on the living room floor? No. The kid can’t even walk, for cryin’ out loud. 

All of which means your girlfriend would appreciate a bunch of help…and that’s where you come in. Here are five things you can do to make your beloved’s life a little easier, and, in the process, cement your bond and make your relationship proceed as happily and smoothly as possible: 

Get on the floor
Get in touch with your inner infant, and play, play, play. “It’s difficult for a mom with an infant to date,” says Tina Tessina, Ph.D, psychotherapist, and author of The Unofficial Guide To Dating Again, “and just being willing to care about the child is a big asset.” Toys are big fun, and most of us grown-up types out there don’t mess around with ’em nearly enough. So when you hunker down on the ground next to junior, and pile up those blocks or shake those rattles, not only are you entertaining the baby, but you’re giving your girlfriend some much-needed down time... and you’re giving yourself some much-needed play time. 

Watch the time 
Any woman who raises a baby by herself is a morning person by default, so if you yourself are an evening person, you need to adjust your clock. Chances are that on most weeknights, she’ll want to get to bed relatively early, so if she invites you over for dinner and wants you there at six, show up at 5:45. And if she crashes at 9:30, don’t kvetch about it. Just go home, watch a little SportsCenter, and get some shut-eye. Also recognize that a weekend brunch date may let you see this woman at her very best, energy-wise. 

Lend a hand 
Remember when you were a kid, and you’d leave your junk all over the house, and your mom would complain, “I’m not your maid,” and you wouldn’t do anything about it? Well, it’s payback time, buddy, because until her little one gets somewhat bigger, your love interest could really use some help around the house. Says Tessina, “And if you can stomach changing a diaper, the mother will love you forever!” But seriously, the more help you can give the woman you’re dating, the more relaxed and ready for romance she’ll be. 

Commit random acts of kindness 
Surprise, “just because” gifts are welcome in every relationship, but with an infant in the picture, you can multiply that times eight. Imagine how thrilled your girlfriend will be if you show up at her door with a dozen roses, or three bags of Thai food, or the one Tori Amos CD she doesn’t already have. Her time really isn’t her own anymore, and these little pleasures will do a lot to brighten her mood and show her how much you care. 

Book the babysitter
Perhaps the best thing you can do for the object of your affection is this: Make a night out happen. Don’t leave the planning and telephone-tag with babysitters to her. Show up at her door with a babysitter and get her out of the house. “She may be too tired to go dancing, and may not want to leave the baby long enough to go to both dinner and a movie,” notes Tessina. However, she will want to get out of the house and reconnect with her pre-baby days... and you. The easier you make that for her, the better—and the better time you two will have.

Are his pals much more present lately? Are those new shirts in his closet? Heed the sometimes subtle warning signs!

We can all agree on the obvious signs your sweetie wants out—like he swaps that wallet photo of you with one of his Mom—but what about the more subtle signs? Spotting them is the key to surviving with your pride—and possibly even your relationship—intact. “Instead of closing up when we’re afraid a romance may be ending, we need to force ourselves to be open,” says Maya Talisman Frost, owner of Real-World Mindfulness Training. “In many cases, open communication can prevent a downward relationship spiral, so pay attention, and watch for opportunities to connect.” Here are six early clues you’re about to get dumped: 

Warning sign #1: Your dates morph into group outings
Has he started inviting a few friends—or a few dozen—along when you go out? He may be trying to tell you something, says Matt Kennedy of Orlando, FL. “When I want to end a relationship, I’ll invite my buddies along with us to movies, parties and dinner,” he explains. “That way it becomes more of a group thing instead of a date.” And even more telling than the size of the crowd is the way he acts in it. “If he’s more flirtatious with other women, making you feel extraneous, or he scans the room instead of focusing on you,” he may be ready to move on, says Debbie Mandel, author of Turn On Your Inner Light. 

Warning sign #2: He’s Mr. Extreme Makeover
It’s an old wives’ truism for a reason: A person who’s cheating suddenly wants to look better, says Lisa Daily, author of Stop Getting Dumped!“So if he was a blue button-down shirt and chinos kind of guy and suddenly he’s wearing Armani, that’s not a good sign,” she adds. But hey, new threads and a six-pack abs doesn’t mean he’s getting some on the side—just that he’s open to the idea. “What most of my guy friends say is that when they’re not into the relationship anymore, they’ll work out and buy new clothes because they’re looking to impress women,” says Janelle Nicolo of Beverly, MA. “Since most men in relationships get comfortable and ‘let themselves go,’ when your man starts taking better care of himself, he may well be contemplating replacing you.” 

Warning sign #3: He’s cranky and critical
You tell a joke; he rolls his eyes. You ask what he’s doing Friday, he snaps, “Why are you pressuring me?” You complain about your boss, he sides with her! What gives? “When there’s a lot of contempt in the relationship and he’s suddenly critical and judgmental, that’s a warning sign,” says Diana Kirschner, Ph.D., author of Opening Love’s Doors. Sometimes when a man feels unhappy but powerless, he’ll act out (kind of like a two-year-old who doesn’t want spinach). Yes, you’re the spinach in this scenario, but don’t take it personally: He is jumping down your throat for absolutely no reason. Remember that you deserve to be worshipped, not tortured, by your man. And dating is supposed to be fun.

Warning sign #4: Something’s different in the bedroom...
Definitely note if he has a new bag of tricks, says Daily. But it’s zero interest in intimacy that really spells trouble. Because, let’s face it, guys aren’t usually the ones who are too tired or busy to get busy. “A dramatic decrease in sex can mean two things: He or she wants to avoid any situation where she might have to express emotion or attachment to you—or he's getting it somewhere else,” says Daily. 

Warning sign #5: His body language says “get me out of here”
You know those guys who three days before they dump you say, “You make me so happy” or “We should get our own place together”? We all want to kill them, but the good news is there is a way to see it coming—just check out his body language. Watch for the one-shoulder hug, a sign he’s “distancing” in the relationship, says Daily. Patting your back while hugging you is another bad sign, because it shows he’s uncomfortable. Also, check to see if he’s looking up and to the left as he proclaims his devotion to you. According to private investigators, a guy who does this is lying: The look left shows he’s using the “creative” side of his brain, says Daily—a good indicator he's telling you a whopper. 

Warning sign #6: He’s hard to reach—in every sense of the word
Check all that apply: Do you find yourself calling him more than you used to? Wondering why it took him a day to respond to your e-mail when he used to IM you back in ten seconds? Has he cancelled more than one date in the last month because he’s crazed at work? Changed the subject when you brought up a “we” topic—from where to go Saturday night to whether to live together? Sounds like he has outta-here intentions, says Kirschner. 

To tell if he’s just genuinely busy or getting ready to break free, tune in to how you feel about his lack of time, says Nicole E. Marquez of Tempe, AZ. “For a month or so before my boyfriend broke up with me at lunch—just like George on Seinfeld—there was a dark cloud over the relationship,” she recalls. ”It was like a sense of impending doom. I think with relationships, your gut feeling is always right.” 

Bottom line: If any of these clues rings true, try talking to your guy, says Talisman Frost. Let him know that you want to hear whatever he’s thinking—the less judgmental your tone, the more likely he’ll be to truly open up. In some cases, just being able to vent his relationship anxieties may relieve them. At the very least, by speaking up you gain some ownership of the breakup, making you feel less like a victim and more like the mastermind of your own love-life happiness. 

What Makes You Magnetic?

When you go out at night, should you go solo or with a pal, or with a group of buddies? Yes, in most cases it does matter. Here, you have the opportunity to hear from an expert as we find out what boosts the odds of making a love bond. 

You're heading out to a party or a club, and you're hoping tonight you'll meet someone special. Your hair is looking excellent; you have picked a nice outfit...but, wait: Should you go solo or grab a pal? Which will give you a better shot at finding romance? We asked that question, and nearly 30,000 Match.com members answered: 52 percent of you said you'd have the most success if you go with a same-sex friend. Only 26 percent said you'd do better on your own, and 22 percent felt your odds would improve if a friend of the opposite sex was in tow.

Why is there such comfort in a friend of the same gender? Says Robin Gorman Newman, founder of lovecoach site, "I don't think it actually raises your likelihood of meeting someone, it just makes you feel more comfortable walking into the room." But, she warns, don't spend the whole night glued to the hip of your wingman or wing woman. "Guys are often intimidated to approach a group of women," she points out, and vice-versa. Newman recommends making an agreement with your friend that you'll circulate separately and meet back in a certain amount of time, say, twenty minutes. 

Recently, there's been a rise in the popularity of "wing women" services in several U.S. cities, where a shy guy can hire a woman to go out with him and help him meet eligible ladies. But this was the least enticing option among people we surveyed. An noticeable reason: Prospects get puzzled as to whether your buddy is your date or just a pal. But more importantly, Newman says, "I think if you've got a wing woman going up to strangers on your behalf, it might make those women wonder, 'What's wrong with him?' If it works for you, great, but I have yet to meet any woman who would be turned off by a guy approaching her himself." 

But what if you're a solitary wolf type, or just don't feel comfortable roping friends into your date-hunting events? Newman's advice: Steer clear of large, free-form mixer-type events and opt for ones structured around an activity, such as a fundraiser or sports event, which will make it easier for you to break the ice.

Nervous about introducing your kids to your new love? Here’s how to make the moment as drama-free as possible.

When you’re a single parent who’s found love again, it can feel as though you’ve been given a new lease on life. The thought of introducing your new main squeeze to your kids, however, can be stressful enough to burst your bubble. However, you can do so in a way that’ll make everyone comfortable, provided that you follow a few important guidelines. Let these helpful tips show you how to stage a smooth introduction. 

Tip #1: Take the seriousness of your relationship into consideration
“I know I need to introduce my daughter to my new boyfriend, but I am unsure of when that time should be. I definitely see a future with him, but if things don’t work out as I think they will, I don’t want her to get attached to him and have to suffer through another loss,” says Kristine Canfield of Sewickley, PA. The concern that parents will disappoint their kids if their relationship does not endure is very common, says Michael D. Zentman, Ph.D., a family therapist and Director of the Adelphi University Postgraduate Program in Marriage and Couples Therapy in Garden City, NY, who has over 34 years of experience working with the remarried family. Because parents worry that after their child meets their new partner the child will expect this person to be a permanent part of their lives, parents often avoid scheduling the introduction—or at least postpone it, he says. 

Keep a few things in mind when deciding if you’re willing to make your mate a part of your child’s life. First, consider the seriousness of your new relationship and whether the feelings between you and your partner are mutual. If it’s very serious and you’re both on the same page, it may be the right time. Second, consider how, based on the child’s age, he or she will interpret the introduction. Dr. Zentman says that very young children don’t necessarily have the same expectations as older children concerning the meaning of a relationship, while teenagers understand the dating process and don’t expect all dating partners to become permanent ones. Therefore, kids in these age groups may be able to take an introduction to a newer partner in stride. Pre-adolescent children, however, feel the impact of too many lost beginnings most of all, so if you’re going to make your preteen child a part of the relationship, make sure that your new love is a keeper. 

Tip #2: Select the site of the introduction based on what your kids know — or like — best
“I’m ready to have my kids meet my new girlfriend, but I have no idea where to stage the introduction. Should I do it at my house, at hers, at a restaurant, at the park? I just want it to go well!” says John Fleischman of Wellfleet, MA. Since children tend to feel safest and most comfortable within their own homes, that might be the best place for an introduction, advises Dr. Zentman. “However, parents can also ask the kids where they would like to be when they meet the dating partner,” he says. “Kids tend to know what’s best for them when it comes to emotional matters. Meeting in a park may feel more casual and less tense; see what the kids say.” 

Tip #3: Trust your instincts and speak the truth
“I think I know how to make the introduction—what to say, at least, but I’m not sure if it’s the ‘right’ thing to say,” wonders Michelle Kordabonchuck of New York, NY. When it comes to your “script,” go with your instincts. “Parents usually don’t need a script when it comes to things like this; they know their kids and will know the best approach to take,” Dr. Zentman says. Generally speaking, he advises keeping things simple and honest and avoiding surprising your children with the introduction; let them know what you are planning and ask them how they feel about it. “Parents might even ask what the child would like to know about the person ahead of time,” he suggests, noting that as most anxiety is fueled by the unknown, a little advance information might help. After the introduction, when you’re alone with your child, find out how he or she felt about the process and about your new dating partner. 

Tip #4: Avoid setting lofty expectations for the first meeting
“I just want my kids to love my boyfriend as much as I do! How can I make sure they warm up to him from the get-go?” asks Lauren Charlton of Providence, RI. All children, from the youngest to oldest, will feel anxious about this meeting, Dr. Zentman says. “The youngest might express this through shyness or even avoidance, teenagers might demonstrate this through indifference, a display of boredom or avoidance, while little ones may hide behind the parent or retreat to their rooms.” Since all behavior is communication, even if you don’t like it, he advises accepting what your child expresses. “Dating partners cannot be pushed onto children,” Dr. Zentman explains. “No one can be forced to accept someone until they are ready.” Resist the urge to evaluate the success of the introduction based on how pleasant or happy everyone was to meet. “Success for the initial meeting might be based merely on survival—it happened and everyone survived!” Dr. Zentman says. If the relationship endures, your kids and your new mate will get to know each other over time. 

Tip #5: Encourage your partner to be him or herself—and nothing more
“I hope my kids love my boyfriend as much as I do, but I am worried that he may act really nervous or too excited because he knows how much is at stake,” worries Virginia Leltz, 38, of St. Paul, MN. Undoubtedly, your date will want to make a great impression on your children, so he or she may feel pressure to be extra nice and engaging. While these efforts come from a good place, your children may not be ready for them, says Dr. Zentman. “My best advice for the dating partner is to not try too hard,” he says. “You don’t have to prove anything to the child’s parent, and you don’t have to prove that you love children or that you will be loved by these children.” Therefore, the urge to pack too much into this meeting — too much meaning, too much involvement, etc. — is best avoided. “A successful introduction is just that: a meeting of people who have known about each other but never met before,” says Dr. Zentman. “Now they have!” 

Do Men Like Being Chased?

Powerful, self-assured, independent ladies want to discern: do guys like to be chased instead of doing the chasing? The answer might surprise everyone.

Gender tasks are a lot more liquefied than they used to be. Nowadays, it’s perfectly ordinary to meet women in high-powered careers with superior titles while more men take on the role of stay-at-home-dads. But with this volatility comes some questions when it comes to dating. Should Alpha Females start making the moves on a targeted love interest? And do guys react positively to the sort of courting conduct from a woman that has conventionally been their job?

Despite all the progress that women have made in gaining educations and respected positions, traditions and the demands of culture (as well as biology!) are hard things to break. The fact is this: men still commonly prefer to do the chasing rather than to be chased. Obviously, there are exceptions (which is why I used the word “commonly”), but overall, ladies, trying to take charge of courting might backfire on you.

What men like is to be desired. They certainly don’t mind if you show your interest, and most are very open to being asked to have a drink or grab dinner by a woman they admire. Most men say that they won’t continue to pursue a woman if she fails to show any reciprocating interest, so total passivity is a big turnoff. But when a woman starts to arrange dates, plan the encounters, insist on paying for both, and following up with flowers, texting, and phone calls, a man will start to feel nervous and uncomfortable. “Smothered” is a remark that is also thrown around.

The majority of men say the following:

Having a woman flirt and express interest is thrilling, but they like to initiate a date

It isn’t unusual for a man to get suspicious when women chase hard, wondering why she likes him

The thrill of the chase is a big part of the fun. When a woman is running the courtship, the chase is too easy and becomes uninteresting

The impression is that an aggressive woman must automatically want sex

A little mystery is very intriguing

Men are naturally competitive, so the desire to make the first move and then initiate courtship activities comes naturally for most of them, even if they aren’t totally confident in their abilties. While some men will say that having the woman do the chasing takes the risk and worry out of the equation, this is a minority opinion. But almost all men are happy when the woman shows interest, and, once a relationship is established, if the woman takes some initiative in making dating plans.

So, ladies, the takeaway is this: don’t be surprised if a man backs off or becomes less interested if you are an aggressive chaser. Not all men will be put off, but if you’re finding it hard to keep a guy interested, try backing off and creating a little mystery.